Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
