who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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