someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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