the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
