either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
