My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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