the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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