I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Come on in and take your pants off
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