Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
