Im at strip club and am horny
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
