I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
