I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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