Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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