She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
