once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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