He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
