i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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