I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
