i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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