Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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