im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
