Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So squirting runs in the family.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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