my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
one might say we're banned from that church
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
