yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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