My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
