I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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