I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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