So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
