Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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