Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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