i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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