It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
