Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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