I feel great
I just peed on a car
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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