I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
