its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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