Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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