you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
