Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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