he told me I talked like a deaf person
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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