you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
