we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
