Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
