Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
