you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
