I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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