Will you blow on my dice?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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