I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
