hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
