hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
