Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
