I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She is in my trunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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