Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
