He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
