tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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