I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
