I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
