we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We're too hungover to prance.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
