I hate your face
I wanna passion pit in your ass
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
