This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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