love makes seman taste better
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
