the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
