That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
